Dealing with it...

People don't talk about what it's like to try to get pregnant. Especially those who have a hard time getting pregnant, or if they have lost a pregnancy, no matter when they lost it.

Well, here's the truth. It freaking sucks. It's made out to be all fun and games and you end up with a beautiful bundle of joy.

But, It isn't always like that. Sometimes it's hard. REALLY hard. Now, before I go any further you should know J and I have been trying for about 9 months. We've had one chemical pregnancy and now very early loss at about 5 weeks.

It's been hard to deal with that glimmer of hope in two pink lines and having those hopes dashed shortly later. It seems like pregnancy announcements and babies flood Facebook on a daily basis and it's a small reminder that the thing you want so badly isn't happening...yet.

YET. It's a word full of hope and the promise of something to wonderful to come. It's also hard to know when that wonderful may come, because there is no way of knowing. and I think that may be one of the hardest parts, not knowing.

You have to find hope in something, a rock to stand on when the world is good and to help hold you up when it feels like it may come crashing down. I'm still working on finding that hope. I pray a lot, for strength, patience and a little miracle. I try my best to keep my outlook positive and to not be so hard on myself, to not put too much pressure on myself. But, some days are harder than others. Days when grief, sadness, doubt and just plain old unhappy thoughts creep into my mind. I'm doing my best to over analyze who things happen and have been working to trust in His plan for the future and that when it is my turn to be a mom, it will be at the right time, I just need to trust.

Dealing with the questions, expectations and HUGE range of emotions is down right hard. So, think about that question before you ask it, you know the one I'm talking about...the dreaded "So...when are you guys going to have kids??" It may be a harder question to answer than you realize. And to all of you ladies who know exactly what I'm talking about..I'm with ya. Let's go eat some chocolate and try to resist peeing on sticks.

For now,
K

Fall Adventures!

Last weekend the hubby and I went on a trip to Bend, Oregon. It's about a 2 hour drive from our house and it's also where we went on our honeymoon. As an FYI I am completely obsessed with Bend and would move there in a second if life presented the chance. So, get ready for me rave about everything that I love about this city. (Not to say that I don't love my city, but Bend has snow and Mountains and it's hard to beat that...)

We found the BEST little rental house that was a block from downtown and it was perfect. We could walk everywhere we wanted to go (for the most part), Dieter was allowed to come with us and it had a hot tub perfect for 2 people. Talk about perfect for a weekend getaway!  The house was called the Brown House. It is a historic home and absolutely adorable.

We loved that we could walk downtown to all of the amazing coffee and restaurants. Friday night we had dinner at Deschutes Brewery. It's a popular brewery in Oregon and has great food and their own gluten free beer. They also make their own ginger ale, and it's amazing.

Saturday morning we went to mass at Saint Frances of Assisi, which was a block from our house. Its a beautiful historic church and is everything you expect of an old catholic church. Wooden pews, a beautiful alter and gorgeous stained glass. I wish I would have taken some pictures of the outside, but I didn't have my phone with me because we were going to church. I did find this picture (think you Google!) of the outside, its so pretty!

After mass we went to Lone Pine Coffee Roasters. If I lived in Bend, this would be one of the only places I would get coffee. They make their own almond milk and roast their own coffee. I mean, come on. Oh, and the caramel sauce in my almond milk latte? Home made. Seriously. AMAZING. A cold morning with amazing coffee? Perfection. We also had breakfast at J's favorite place ever. I won't give away his secret, because, well he might kill me if it gets anymore crowded than it already is. Let's just say that he raves about this place and it is a requirement that we eat there when we are in Bend. Heck, he wouldn't argue with driving there just for breakfast.

That day we drove out to Smith Rock Ranch to go to their pumpkin patch. It's dog friendly, so Dieter got to come with us! It has amazing views of Smith Rock and so many cool things to do and eat. We didn't do a lot of the activities because we didn't have kiddos with us, but it was fun to people watch and we got an amazing pumpkin!

Afterwards we went to a neat little antique mall outside Redmond and took Dieter to the dog park in the Old Mill District so he could run some energy out. The dog park itself is dusty on a dry day, but it looks out over the river and you really can't complain about that. Oh! I almost forgot! We walked around downtown and shopped and had some local kombucha. We were tempted to try the bubble tea, but decided to save it for another day. We got some more amazing art from a photographer we found on our honeymoon and some awesome Oregon themed souvenirs. (No, I don't think it's lame that I want things that scream how proud I am to live in Oregon. Oregon is awesome.)

For dinner we walked over the bridge to Spork. Yes, the restaurant is called spork. We found this place on our honeymoon and fell in love with the spicy fried chicken. It's gluten free, and comes with rice and either kimchi or cucumber salad. It's spicy enough to make me sweat, but the cucumber salad goes with it perfectly. The sunset was amazing on the way home and it was the perfect way to end the day (Besides a soak in the hot tub) This picture doesn't even do it justice. It was faces or sunset, not both.

We also got gelato made with local espresso for dessert, and listened to a metal band playing in an alley bar. Well, you couldn't help but listen, it was LOUD.

Sunday, we had breakfast at Chow and relaxed at the house. It started to rain so we decided to trek home to the soggy valley and back to real life. It was SO nice to get away for the weekend and just do fun things and not have to worry about laundry or meal planning. But, we are back to the real world this week (Including Halloween and colds from second graders)