Dealing with it...

People don't talk about what it's like to try to get pregnant. Especially those who have a hard time getting pregnant, or if they have lost a pregnancy, no matter when they lost it.

Well, here's the truth. It freaking sucks. It's made out to be all fun and games and you end up with a beautiful bundle of joy.

But, It isn't always like that. Sometimes it's hard. REALLY hard. Now, before I go any further you should know J and I have been trying for about 9 months. We've had one chemical pregnancy and now very early loss at about 5 weeks.

It's been hard to deal with that glimmer of hope in two pink lines and having those hopes dashed shortly later. It seems like pregnancy announcements and babies flood Facebook on a daily basis and it's a small reminder that the thing you want so badly isn't happening...yet.

YET. It's a word full of hope and the promise of something to wonderful to come. It's also hard to know when that wonderful may come, because there is no way of knowing. and I think that may be one of the hardest parts, not knowing.

You have to find hope in something, a rock to stand on when the world is good and to help hold you up when it feels like it may come crashing down. I'm still working on finding that hope. I pray a lot, for strength, patience and a little miracle. I try my best to keep my outlook positive and to not be so hard on myself, to not put too much pressure on myself. But, some days are harder than others. Days when grief, sadness, doubt and just plain old unhappy thoughts creep into my mind. I'm doing my best to over analyze who things happen and have been working to trust in His plan for the future and that when it is my turn to be a mom, it will be at the right time, I just need to trust.

Dealing with the questions, expectations and HUGE range of emotions is down right hard. So, think about that question before you ask it, you know the one I'm talking about...the dreaded "So...when are you guys going to have kids??" It may be a harder question to answer than you realize. And to all of you ladies who know exactly what I'm talking about..I'm with ya. Let's go eat some chocolate and try to resist peeing on sticks.

For now,
K